I invite everyone to choose forgiveness rather than division, teamwork over personal ambition.
- Jean-Francois Cope
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Don't put on a mask yourself with a partner who's been through hell and back. If you have to waste your time on anybody at all, spare them the heartbreak. Even the honest and good people are sometimes kept at bay by them, a dishonest one will not be tolerated. They need someone that they can trust, someone they can let go of their inhibitions in front of. Be that person who stays true without any pretence. It'll be more appreciated than you would know.
You are not the one who has been through it, they have. Unless you try to see things the way they do, you'll never understand what they want. The least bit of effort to try would also help them out. You'll see that they would automatically be more comfortable around you and that you've grown sensitive to their needs and can offer them the support that they need. Their life has changed forever after whatever has happened to them. They will be carrying the pain forever and some days will be worse than the others. Some effort on your part could help ease their pain.
The abused are in their most vulnerable state. They might have panic attacks, get jumpy at small things and even be insecure that you might leave any moment by not being able to tolerate them anymore. They need to be reminded over and again that you're here and you will be there for them. Having to repeat yourself isn't such a bad thing and does not need a great deal of effort. It is a gesture that goes a long way to secure the roots of your relationship. With assurance also comes safety and trust, you should be the one whom they can confide in and are not afraid to share even the slightest of things.
There may be small things that irk them. They may take a lot of time to trust you. You cannot blame them and you do need to keep your patience. It will pay off. Never make such a move to play out their fears again. Sometimes you may not understand the little things but you're not supposed to either, you haven't been with the abuser, they have.
Be it about a warm hug or even a peck on the cheek, make sure their reaction is of acceptance before you go ahead. They might not be ready for it. They might even cringe and run away if you go ahead without notice. Consent is an important issue everywhere. In most normal relationships, holding hands and kind, loving gestures, however, usually don't need to be spoken for unless it's at the beginning of the relationship. Here, they will come around and let you into their physical lives when they are ready. You'll know, they'll come up themselves or approve of your little gestures. You should always be aware that if your attempt is not seen wrongly. After all, you wouldn't want them to grow afraid of you for the smallest of things. Patience is the key, even if it seems to take forever.
Don't put on a mask yourself with a partner who's been through hell and back. If you have to waste your time on anybody at all, spare them the heartbreak. Even the honest and good people are sometimes kept at bay by them, a dishonest one will not be tolerated. They need someone that they can trust, someone they can let go of their inhibitions in front of. Be that person who stays true without any pretence. It'll be more appreciated than you would know.
You are not the one who has been through it, they have. Unless you try to see things the way they do, you'll never understand what they want. The least bit of effort to try would also help them out. You'll see that they would automatically be more comfortable around you and that you've grown sensitive to their needs and can offer them the support that they need. Their life has changed forever after whatever has happened to them. They will be carrying the pain forever and some days will be worse than the others. Some effort on your part could help ease their pain.
The abused are in their most vulnerable state. They might have panic attacks, get jumpy at small things and even be insecure that you might leave any moment by not being able to tolerate them anymore. They need to be reminded over and again that you're here and you will be there for them. Having to repeat yourself isn't such a bad thing and does not need a great deal of effort. It is a gesture that goes a long way to secure the roots of your relationship. With assurance also comes safety and trust, you should be the one whom they can confide in and are not afraid to share even the slightest of things.
There may be small things that irk them. They may take a lot of time to trust you. You cannot blame them and you do need to keep your patience. It will pay off. Never make such a move to play out their fears again. Sometimes you may not understand the little things but you're not supposed to either, you haven't been with the abuser, they have.
Be it about a warm hug or even a peck on the cheek, make sure their reaction is of acceptance before you go ahead. They might not be ready for it. They might even cringe and run away if you go ahead without notice. Consent is an important issue everywhere. In most normal relationships, holding hands and kind, loving gestures, however, usually don't need to be spoken for unless it's at the beginning of the relationship. Here, they will come around and let you into their physical lives when they are ready. You'll know, they'll come up themselves or approve of your little gestures. You should always be aware that if your attempt is not seen wrongly. After all, you wouldn't want them to grow afraid of you for the smallest of things. Patience is the key, even if it seems to take forever.
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