Outside the cafe the rain was pouring down heavily. My mind was in chaotic state. It was one of those days where even the cheese burger in my hand, didn’t help in relaxing my mind. I have been visiting this café for a very long time now. The first time I came here was with my husband 30 years ago on our anniversary.  We made it a ritual to visit this place every year on the same day. Today, I’m sitting at the same table where the two of us would usually sit. A large glass window was beside the table, with soothing navy blue-colored curtains and gave a clear view of the world outside. It was a very quiet inside but outside the rain has caused havoc. People were running to get under a shelter. Vehicles couldn’t move an inch but made sure to keep honking their horns. A couple was walking closely under an umbrella with the boy’s hand on her shoulder, giggling and whispering into each other’s ear, trying not to get wet. Sometimes, I fail to believe how quickly the time has passed. Earlier, there was just this café and a few small shops selling cheap items and now, the area is posh, almost unrecognizable. There are rows of big showrooms in this street now. You can’t walk at a slower pace anymore like old times, with hands intertwined and snuggling into with your lover’s arms. The idea of love was very exciting to me always. I still remember, how as a little girl I always thought that I would fall in love with someone and spend my life happily with him, thereafter. It was as simple as that, not at all complicated. The very idea of arranged marriage sounded ridiculous to me, it was very hard for me to imagine living the rest of my life with someone I barely knew. I looked for love wherever I went, in even nook and corner of the city, in a friend. I was very desperate to get a taste of it. I spent most of time watching emotional love stories and crying ll night thinking why love wasn’t written in my fate. The only distraction to me was my profession. For a very long time, I used to teach nursery kids. Those few hours with them used to be the best time of my day. After a long wait, I finally decided to get married. I had to see the reality. My parents started looking for perfect grooms and a few months I see, myself, dressed up as a bride standing in front of the mirror, ready to be someone’s life partner, the better-half. The thought of running crossed my mind many times but I wasn’t able to make myself to do it. My mom’s voice kept ringing in my head and the last two sentences told by her keep coming and telling me that life is an exam where the syllabus is unknown and question papers are not set…….you can do it, you ever know how beautifully you will do it, so ,have confidence and faith in yourself. Everything will be alright. I put on a smile, took a deep breath and stepped out of the room with my heart beating so fast that anyone can hear it. I was nervous. Anyone would be if they were in my place and the constant thought nagging in their minds was related to how their future is going to be. Ah……….. For once I wish could just stop thinking. The marriage happened too quickly, to be honest, it was very exciting and I enjoyed those ceremonies. But most importantly, there was a moment amongst those ceremonies where I looked in his eyes and saw warmth, he smiled t me appreciatively and I smiled back instantly. I forgot for once that it wasn’t a choice I has made. He had a handsome face, a lovable personality and a laugh like a child. Anyone would fall in love with him. I tried resisting his charm but it was just impossible. He took care of everything and everyone and made me an inseparable part of his life. The next morning after our marriage when I woke up, I found a note beside on the table beside the bed, which read, “Good morning’ sweetheart. Your coffee and your husband are waiting for you downstairs. The choices we make are very much in our hands, believe me. Tea is also available, by the way.”

He wrote me little notes every day, sometimes, poetry too, which wasn’t always very lyrical every time but said something that touched my heart. He made me happy. The dark clouds about my future, hovering over my head were long gone. There was only sunshine and days of hope to look up to. He was great at keeping up with conversations; he could talk about books, music, movies and what not. I wasn’t able to believe how he could love me so much, even with all my flaws. I would behave awkwardly on seeing him and start babbling nonsensical things just like a teen would do on seeing their crush. He helped me grow as a person and encouraged me to follow my heart. Life was going smooth. We had two lovely twins after three years of marriage. But my health after pregnancy deteriorated. I suffered post-partum depression. It didn’t emerge immediately after the delivery. When I came to know about the news that we will be shifting to another city, I wasn’t ready for it. I couldn’t make my mind as to how things are going to work out there, with no help and the two babies taking most of my energy. I never liked change; I was always scared of it. I was reluctant to talk to anyone. I became emotionally challenged. Even though I took care of  our kids, my anger got directed towards my love, That was even more frustrating. He was a good person and didn’t deserve this. I needed to be with him but owing to busy schedule, the time he has was either spent in the office or trying to calm and help me go to sleep. I could see dark circles around his eyes. Both our lives was going through a rough patch, we started living a life high on caffeine. I thought of running away, again. I had no friends or family to go to. Life didn’t seem worth the pain. All the love I had went somewhere in hiding and one day I jumped in the deepest side of the pool, hoping to die and never come up. I don’t what happened after that but I was saved by someone. The next thing, I remember is being surrounded by my family. Jai was standing with hands in his pocket, eyes staring hard at the wall, in a corner. It looked like he hasn’t slept for months. I called his name and he came rushing towards me and held my hand, tears rolling down his eyes. He gave me a peck on the cheek and kept looking at me, still crying. I said, “Sorry” to him in a small voice, not believing how badly I hurt him. He hugged me and the two of us cried for a very long time. He said to me, “For once I thought had lost you.” Post partum depression wasn’t acknowledged by society back then. They failed to understand how serious it is and often, went undiagnosed. We visited a few doctors to seek help for my condition. As soon as my husband came to know about my situation, he did whatever he can to help make me feel better. We talked to each other every day for good amount of time and he listened to me patiently. I was never much of a talker but this time we switched roles. He would sit beside me or put his head in my lap and listen to me talking, slowly I realized how poisoned my mind was and we never really grew apart, life keeps changing and I have to stop being such a control freak all the time. He made me join swimming classes, I was scared the first time I jumped to end my life and I was even more freaked out at the prospect of taking a dive this time, because  I had to =save my life and swim back upwards and reach the finish. Slowly, I recovered and lived a normal life once again. I realized it has been 30 minutes and he hasn’t come. I reached out for my phone and the door opened and there he was, standing in front of me, grinning, even in his 60s, he turned heads. I gave a mock angry look and he learnt in, gave me a kiss on the cheek and sat beside me. I asked him why is he late and he says’ “I was just getting a present for you.” He fished out a paper from his pocket and put on his reading classes, old age has started showing his effect. He sips a little water from my glass and reads, “I got you flowers and chocolates,

Oh dear lady, and diamonds too,

But there’s nothing that can replace my love for you,

This might sound too melodramatic to you,

But it is actually true,

You give me happiness and joy,

This might sound too melodramatic to you,

But it is actually true,

You give me happiness and joy, 

And reasons to fall in love with you.”

Tears well up in my eyes and I tell him this is the best poem I have heard in a very longtime and how glad I was to have him in my life. It would be a very hard life to live, without him in it. And so, we celebrate another anniversary without much pomp and show.