Hard times arouse an instinctive desire for authenticity.
- Coco Chanel
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“Never forget your history, nor your
destiny”, walking on the busy street of Manali, I read this baffling byword
written on the corner of a wall. One can remember or forget his history but
destiny? Destiny is something unknown, something not in our hands. I don’t know
who wrote it and in what state of mind but it was deep.
It was our fourth day in Manali. My school gang and
I had come here for summer camp. Mall road is one of the busiest place in
Manali. My friends were busy buying stuff for themselves and their loved ones.
I hated shopping. Market was chaotic but still there was a kind of peace. A
small kid asking for an ice cream from his dad caught my eye. A father and son
relationship is the most twisted relationship in this world. When you are a
kid, father’s shoulder is your biggest support but as you grow up it becomes a
burden. Abu and I shared a different relationship. In these twelve years I shared a very strong bond with him. Every single thing in my life he knew. That boy seemed to share a same kind of relationship.
Photography was my passion and so I started clicking pictures of that kid and
his father. All of sudden out of nowhere somebody shot that kid’s father. He
fell down and the kid started screaming. People started running here and there.
I heard few more gun shots. Something was seriously wrong. Abu had told me to
be careful as he feared something like this may happen. Just a year before
massive riots took place in Bombay. A biggest fight between the Hindus and the
Muslims. I got scared and was about to start running when a hard rock hand
grabbed my neck. For a moment I was complete blank. When I got back my senses,
I was at a gun point. There were three policemen standing in front of me. The
terrorists or whoever they were, were six. They warned the policemen to step
backward or else they will shoot me. In order to get themselves out of this
situation, they used me and abducted me.
For nearly four days I was blind folded. I didn’t know where I am.I was in a jeep. We were travelling and I didn’t get anything to eat in these four days. I was
starving and crying. I missed my Abu, I missed my Ammi. I missed those narrow
lanes of Muzzafarpur where I loved playing cricket with my gang. I didn’t know
where they are taking me. I didn’t know what’s going to happen next. All I
wanted is to go back home and hug my Abu. I wanted to play cricket with my
friends. After four days when they opened my eyes, it was all bright. For the
first time I was afraid of the light. Darkness was smoothening. I got down of
the jeep. I asked them where I am and what are they going to do with me. They
said we are in Bombay. They were short of money so they sold me to a man. The
man took me to some very creepy place. There were many other kids like me out
there. They took me to a room where a grumpy witch like lady was teaching
something. She was teaching how to beg. They made me sit in that room. I didn’t
know what’s going on. My life had taken a drastic turn. From the narrow lanes
of Muzzafarpur where I used to play cricket, they brought me to busy streets of
Mumbai, where I started begging.
back after a very hectic day. They made me beg first outside a mandir and then
outside a mosque. The people were very heartless. All they want was money. I
got food at 10. I finished eating and was going to my room when I heard a very
disturbing conversation. Mannu was talking to the lady in charge. He wanted to have some crazy insane fun. This
night for a change he wanted a young boy to spend a night with. He said send
that guy Rahman to my room. I was shocked. I was about to run when they spotted
me. The lady came out and dragged me into the room. She locked the door from
outside. Mannu was coming towards me. I was in a huge trouble. Somehow I had to
get out. Never forget your history, nor your destiny is what kept running in to
my head. I was walking backward when I fell down. There was a sword beneath the
bed. I took that sword in my hand and stood up. Mannu started laughing. He said
it’s not a toy kid and keep it down. I warned him to stay away but he didn’t
listen and so I had to take a firm step. I killed Mannu that night. He was
lying on the floor dead. Now I had to get out of the place. The window was
open. I jumped out of the window and started running. I started running for my
life, I started running for my freedom. The Journey had just begun, the change
had just begun. Abu was still far away.
I killed that swindler
and ran away. I reached the grant road station. It was 11:30 I guess. Station
was abnormally vacant. Usually people say Mumbai is a city that never sleeps
but today it was sleeping or to be precise it was afraid. I asked a beggar
sleeping on the station why is the station empty? He replied in some parts of
Uttar Pradesh riots broke out between the Hindus and the Muslims so people are
scared to get out of their homes. I was talking to that beggar when I heard “look
there he is, catch him.” I started running. I was a small kid and they were in
their 30’s so for me to run away from them was not a difficult task. I was
running on the streets and then I got into a slum. I cried for help, I started
banging the doors but nobody opened. I was running, people were very heartless.
I lost all my hopes when a hand dragged me in. It was dark inside so I didn’t
see who saved me.
the new rays of light and hope I welcomed the morning with a breath of fresh
air. I knew wherever I am, I am safe. The man who saved me last night had gone
out. It was a horribly small room. I was hungry and so I wanted to have
something. I started searching for food but there wasn’t any. “You hungry? Come,
have this wada pav “.A tall man was standing behind at the door. I took the
wada pav from his hand and started eating. After filling my stomach, I thanked
him for the last night. I narrated him the entire story and started crying.
That man hugged me and said don’t worry my child, I will take you to your home.
You will meet your Abu once again. I will take you to Muzzafarpur. Do you have
any phone number of your Abu or your neighbour or anybody? He asked. I gave him
the number of my uncle and told him to contact him as soon as possible. The man
said don’t worry my child, I will be back in a while.
evening time when the man returned. He looked bit disturbed. He made me sit on
the broken couch and told look son, I have a news for you. What news? I asked.
He said son yesterday a huge riot broke out in Uttar Pradesh between the Hindus
and the Muslims. Yes I know about it, I said. Muzzafarpur was also affected by
it. I called your uncle but he didn’t receive the call. I called again, some
neighbour answered. When I asked him about your Abu and your uncle he said, the
cruel Hindus burned them alive. I was stunned. I didn’t know how to react. The
man continued, These Hindus are very cruel. They raped your Ammi and your little
sister before killing them. Your entire family is dead my son, your entire
family is dead.
a sudden, I had no hope to live. Life had come to a standstill. I wanted to
meet my Abu, I wanted to hug him but he was dead. Where do I go now? What’s
left in my life? I didn’t know. Lying on the floor I started screaming and
crying. All those happy moments spent with my family were running in front of
man came ahead and hugged me. He said son whatever happens in life, happens for
a reason. It wasn’t a normal coincidence that you got abducted. Allah wanted this. He took kurbani from you.
Son, your Abu’s blood, your Ammi’s dignity should not go waste. Tomorrow I am
living for Gilgit. You come with me. Like you there are many other children
there, troubled by the Hindus and their Hindustan. We fight for jihad my son
and you join this battle with us. You have to give justice to your Abu, you
have to be strong. From today you are my child and I am your chachujaan.
Next day we left for Gilgit. Gligit is in Azad Kashmir also known as Pak
Occupied Kashmir. Chachujaan had contacts with few people who helped us to
cross the Line of Control. While crossing the line, I looked behind. Hindustan
was my history now and Jihad my destiny, had to remember both.
“You are drifting yourself away from Allah when you are killing the
innocent. Humans created casts and religions only for the proper functioning of
the society but now its working against the society.”
This is what Abu taught me when I was young. My Abu was a
patriot. He loved his nation and humanity a lot. But what did he get in return?
He was burnt alive and before that he had to see his own wife, his own daughter
getting raped. I had to take revenge of my Abu’s death but I knew for that I had
to go away from him. Abu was against terrorism, he was against violence. But
today this was the only path left in front of me. He loved humanity but humans
are not meant to be loved, they are meant to be killed. Bloody all of them are
so heartless and selfish. When I came to Gilgit I thought our battle is against
the Hindus but no we terrorists have no religion, we have no cast. Our battle
is against humanity, our battle is against humans.
“By killing these heartless humans we will
seek place in Jannat. Allah has sent
us on this planet for a mission. Our birth and death is for Jihad. Al-jihad fi sabil Allah (striving
in the way of God) “, Rahim Miya said. I was a
mujahid now. My struggle was against the enemies of Islam. It was the battle
against Hindus, it was the battle against Muslims and it was the battle against
every single religion because all are responsible for the detrition of Islam in
some way or the other, that’s what they told me.
My training started in Gilgit. They
taught me how to operate guns, grenades and all other stuff. They used to take
us for hunting every day. We used to shoot any random person walking on the
street. I had become heartless now. My shooting skills were really good and so
they started calling me Radical. I was trained to kill people and when time
comes I was trained also to kill myself.
The time of my sacrifice for
Jihad had come. In past 15 years I had killed many innocents but this time they
wanted me to kill myself. I was a Fedayeen. India had organized a huge fest for
peace between all the religions. I had to go there and blow myself up. While
leaving I talked to Chachujaan for one last time.
“I won’t disappoint you chachujaan. Fateh humarai hogi”.
trust you my son. I know you will accomplish our mission,
Will never forget your sacrifice son. This is
for jihad. This is for justice.
I believe in my Radical. I know Fateh humari
India is a developing country. We have
progressed a lot in technology and infrastructure. But still even today there
are people hungry for money and this is the reason why corruption is at its
peak. We terrorists always take advantage of this situation in India. A corrupt
security officer helped me to get inside the auditorium. I had 3 more hours to live. In past 15 years
my life had taken a drastic change. One trip changed everything. One quote and
that is what my life is. Photography was my passion always and so I started
I was clicking pictures
when I saw a kid playing with a man who seemed to be his grandpa. He wanted ice-cream.
The conversation between the two was very cute. I started clicking their
pictures. The grandpa of that kid turned towards me when the kid started
running. I was shocked to see. That person was no other. My Abu was standing in
front of me. He was alive. The kid banged me while running, said sorry and ran
towards his mother. Ammi and Razya my younger sister had also come to the fare.
My entire family was alive. They were never killed. Chachujaan had bluffed me.
All these years I was
fighting for my Abu’s blood. I went against his teachings in order to give him
justice. I felt guilty, very guilty. I killed so many innocents in the name of
Jihad. I had to get out of that place but something within me didn’t allow me
to. My conscious told me why are you scared now? The innocent people you killed
in past 15 years were also somebody’s Abu or kid but that didn’t affect you,
then why now. Humans are meant to be killed so go kill them. You have promised
fateh to your chachujaan. You are a
living bomb now. You have to and you ought to kill.
I knew I had to die today but
before dying I had to confess. I had to talk to my Abu. Abu was sitting alone
in the Garden. Raziya’s kid was playing there. I sat on the bench and asked can
we talk? Yes my child, Abu replied. I said I have to confess something. There
is a fact that you need to know. I am Rahman Abu, I am your small little kid.
Hearing this Abu broke down. He started crying and kissing me. He asked me
where I was. I said, in search of you Abu, I was in search of you.
“Can I Hug you Abu?”
“You can hug me forever son”
I hugged Abu, took a deep breath and
pressed the button…………………………