Men Will Be Men…. But! By Syed Mohammed Inam Ahmed

This is the story of a guy named His Him He and a girl named Her She. It is a story of the events that happen in a person’s life and that those event bring out the true face behind the mask. How a guy’s world go around when a girl enters his life and things happen. But what will happen??? Keep reading to find out.

 

                It was a bright monsoon day. The rains had flooded the sewage pipes near him’s house. He woke up as usual, late enough to jump out of bed and almost slip in the bathroom. With 15 minutes left for his work cab driver to arrive he decided he really needed a half an hour long dump.

                You know guy’s problem right? They can be legends who get ready within 5 minutes or they reach a level where they are left home alone because their family already left. Well he was of the latter type trying to get rid of his lazy habit.

                Having missed the cab, he was left with no choice but to waddle through the sewage plant like a penguin doing a ramp walk to the nearest metro station. Let me remind you, our guy was no less than tanning chachum. He could melt a snowman on a cold winter night by standing next to it. His usual body temperature was at around 102*F.

                On the feminine side, she had left the hotel where she was staying at, to attend a conference. Again she was no less than Hosie Runnington. All the right things in all the right places. You could not walk past without turning around for a heart filling eye quenching look.

                She boarded the train after asking how to get to the Simes Tuare. Having her headphones on and listening to her favourite song from Shed Eeran’s new album soon she was lost in her own world. He boarded the train put his jam on them headphones, said “hey” to a person whom he saw regularly on the train to work. When the beat dropped, he was in a world of his own, staring out into the abyss of claustrophobia, sweat, warm breathe and the fear of asphyxiation.  

                From now on stay with me, things are going real fast. Suddenly she felt something hard against her backside lady parts. It kept bumping against her, till she could take it no longer. She let out an angry scream “you pervert”.

By the way forgot to tell you, she was a regular visitor at the gym. She could lay a punch that could make you Late. She gifted the guy behind her a huge blow to the face. He over the loud music heard a woman’s loud scream and the next thing her knew, it felt like someone decided to high five his face with a baseball bat.

He almost lost his balance, oh yeah, he sure was muscular and all. Come on! Tanning chachum man!! He turned around to see the most beautiful person of the other gender he’d ever seen. He saw her, she saw him, and it was love at first sight, for him. She immediately realized that the hard thing against her back was the handle of the stick of a blind woman standing next to him.

She was embarrassed at herself for injuring the wrong person. She could not stop saying sorry to him and the blind woman, but he was already drooling and finalizing his date of marriage with her. Both he and she got off at the next station. She could not stop saying sorry to him. But he did not accept her apology without asking her out for a date. After all, she was the best thing that happened to him in a very very very long time. And how could he let this chance slip away??

She denied it saying she was busy and was only in town for a day to attend the conference. But he was stubborn. “You hit me for no reason and I’m supposed to be okay with that?” he said to her. She herself was charmed by his looks so eventually she gave in. “one drink and nothing else” she said. That’s all he had to hear. Wedding bells started ringing in his ears... mostly because of the tight slap he got a few moments back.

But none the less their meeting was so indulging, they lost track of time. She though hesitant at first, gave in. They looked at their watches and realized.. It’s now or never… but the next train was 2 minutes away… he couldn’t stop blushing and neither could she. Oh wait. I forgot to mention they agreed to meet up after their work was done and they exchanged numbers. The way normal people do.
The train finally arrived. Both he and she boarded the train.

He then realized that was indeed his stop… but you can’t stop no metro because it ain’t no train. Ok finally they reached their destination each going their own way. He punched in his card only to be punched in the back by his boss. She made it quietly and gracefully into her seat at the conference.

He couldn’t stop thinking about her. His life had turned into a wollybood movie. He could hear the mumbling of people around him, the sound of the staples being stapled, the Xerox machine going on. Time flies when you are enjoying right?? He couldn’t wait for the moment he would see her again.
The best thing about a job is when it’s time to leave.

He punched his card and hurried home. Luckily made it to his cab in time. He reached home but he couldn’t hide his excitement from the mirror on his wall… he sang songs and did everything he could. Our boy was struck by cupid!! Soon it was time for him to go pick her up for their date. Our man was dressed in his finest suit that would fit him. Grabbed a bouquet of flowers along the way. He had one last look in the mirror as he knocked at her hotel room door.

Lo!! Behold!! He felt weak at the knees at the sight of her. Minimal make up. Mostly natural beauty. Just what a guy wants…He gently held her hand lifted it up and sneezed at it. Yeah. He was allergic to lakes lotions. But she smelled so great his allergy couldn’t make way. He handed her bouquet which she said thanks to as she though confused, placed it on the table of her room.

They made it in time for their reservation at a small yet lovely hotel. He didn’t know what to order and she being a gentle lady and a feminist decided to order for him. Dinner was done and the bill was brought. He looked at it and his eyes went wide open. “Market price” it said in the menu. “Which market do you shop at??!!” he was screaming within. He recovered before she could notice. She took the bill and paid for it in full… he couldn’t take it sitting down. He stood up and said. “You paid for everything. I can’t let you do that. Drinks are on me..!”

“Ok fine!!” she said smilingly… the smile was to die for…!! He took her to his favorite bar… “One little two little three little shots”. They sang after gulping down 2 whole bottles of green apple mirinda. And as usual they were too drunk to be in their senses to know the difference between right or wrong. The line was so blurred. A guy with soda glasses couldn’t see it clearly.

One thing led to another… though she knew it was very wrong. But it felt so right in the moment. She quivered at his touch… he had really cold hands though. We all know what happened next… the guidelines specified no erotica. So NO erotica here. Both fell back tired and in no time fell asleep.

The next morning he woke up to this beauty lying next to him. It was a red toy Camaro. He turned around to see her lay there. He couldn’t control himself and hold his words in his mouth but they seemed to escape from it. “Will you make me the happiest man on earth by marrying me” he wished to shout it out.

She got up and got busy packing her stuff to leave for the airport… he knew in his heart that she was the one and he couldn’t let her go. He begged her to stay but she refused. She said “I loved it but I was here for the conference I have to go back.” He knew only a little more persuasion and she would give in. he asked her to at least extend her stay for a week. So they could spend more time together.

She was definitely charmed by him and deep down liked him very much and wanted to make this work. “Okay fine I’ll stay” she said. “Move in with me” he said to her. “Of course you dumbass, the rent is too costly for these rooms over here” she said to him. How much happier can a man get huh?? They moved in together.  And things didn’t look back one bit. She decided to move in permanently with him. Got all of her stuff from her house into his luxury condo. Their relationship was serious alright.
                They loved each other’s company. Nothing would come in between their love or could ever come above. When the time was right, he knew she was the only person her wanted. So he proposed to her and what did she say?? Yes! Of course and just like that these love birds were intertwined and life couldn’t get any better. She found a job so both could pay their bills.

Years passed, she got pregnant, they had kids, and the kids grew up. They started school and all that. But there was a problem. Unknown to him, she was tired of this marriage. She would delay going home and when she did she would go straight to bed. He tried talking to her, but she would just say she was exhausted. One day while she was getting ready, her phone beeped. What he saw, he couldn’t believe his old eyes. The name was “secret lover<3”. “Come on!” he said. “If you have a secret lover, hide his name in a better way!”

He opened the message “let’s have fun tonight xxx” it read. He saw his dreams being shattered and a knife going through his heart. He was fuming, kind of like 102*F fever. He couldn’t control his anger. As soon as she came out, he showed her the phone and said “what is this?” “Oh poopoo” she said. Since he was a very civilized man, he just high fived her face really hard, the way she had done to him the 1^st time they met. She couldn’t take it anymore. She kicked him in the “NO no’s”. “I’m done! By the way, he is way better than you”. These words made a curry out if his already cut heart. “Fine!” he shouted back. But he hadn’t had enough.

He went psychotic, started harassing and abusing her at each and every turn. She moved in with her new boyfriend and the kids? They were distraught. They moved back and forth between them. He lost it completely. He used to beat them up until they were nothing but flesh and cries. She stopped sending the kids to his house. He was enraged, he followed her secretly to her new boyfriend’s house. “Dayum!! It big!!” he gasped.

Her bf was that rich kind of guy who lived alone in a mansion with hyper advanced technology everywhere. The kids had their own rooms with their own TVs. Her bf had many super cars and even her bf’s daily driving can was worth more than him’s life. He couldn’t bear it. Jealousy overpowered him and he decided to make their lives a living hell. Our man was in love with her more than Juleo and Romiet ever were.

Now that he knew their house, he started throwing stones, pouring water in their barbeque grill, torched one of her bf’s cars at night. Enough was enough. She had to take things into her own hands. “That’s what he used to say”. She realized there was no way of getting rid of him and preventing him from ruining their lives, than silencing once and for all. Come on!! You beat a person up, Pour water in their barbeque grill, and torch their car?! That’s motive enough to kill the guy.

Remember she still had the keys to his apartment. It was a perfect plan. Stab a knife into his chest, give it a twist and when he dies keep his hand over the knife to make it seem like suicide. It was a foolproof plan. She slowly snuck into his apartment at night. Her boyfriend keeping a watch on him. Dayum this is some Nristopher Colon stuff.

She had night vision heat sensing goggles, a silenced 34mm AK-75 gun, a tight fitting synthetic fibred clothes, so tight she had problems breathing. Don’t ask why her boyfriend had all this though and yeah a kitchen knife she took from his kitchen because she forgot to bring one. She slowly opened the door to his room, he was sleeping, too sound asleep for a psychotic barbeque grill watering monster who burnt a car and yeah beat the kids too. Phish! Even that is serious.

He heard some rustling in his room but was too tired to get up and check, after all the time he spent alone trying to devise a plan to ruin their lives, he had to keep himself entertained. She saw him move so she had to be even quieter. She slowly got on his bed pulled out the kitchen knife. He turned around to see the most beautiful angry hatred filled face he had ever seen. She drove the knife into his heart and the pain he felt was tremendous!!

The pain woke him up! He was sweating like a waterfall. “It was all a dream! Thank god!” he shouted from within. He saw the beautiful monster next to him who was still asleep. “I can’t deal with all this! I wasn’t made for it” he said. He had a one last look at her, grabbed all his things he could find and made a dash to the door.

The noise woke her up. She saw no one was beside her. She got up and as she did, she saw a half-naked man with heart boxers running down the street. She was filled with disgust. “Men will always be men” she exclaimed!

Right as she picked up her phone to call up her husband to say she was leaving for the airport.