When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.
- Lao Tzu
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My life was perfect with my mom as principal of the school I study in and my dad as one of the famous businessmen in the state. I had my best friend Rohan with whom I could share anything without any hesitance and above all I had her, her eyes which have spoken countless words with me and her actions which have shown enormous care and love towards me. It was a perfect life but as someone said no one can have a perfect life all my perfection was shattered like glass when it met the hard floor. That’s when I realised I cant share any dreams with the girl of my dreams. Even just few hours away from marrying someone I couldn’t take Amyra away from my thoughts. She is filled in every part of my heart and her memories filled every part of my brain none of which is ready to lose those memories and her. Just by remembering her name, her eyes and all her memories smile found its way on to my face despite the dreadful situation I am in and that smile didn’t even stay for a minute after realising I wouldn’t be seeing her again and those memerising green eyes………
It is the first day of my Grade 11 , All the hallways and classrooms of Don Bosco School of Hyderabad is filled with students. I was sitting in my classroom and my first class was Maths the dreadful subject sitting beside me is Rohan my best friend. I have known Rohan like forever. We basically live few houses away and met each other when we were just three years old and from then on there was no turning back in our friendship. Our duo is well known in the whole school for both our notorious acts and academic achievements. We are also one of the best football players and played couple of times for our state team in various competitions.
" Earth to Abhi ", whisper yelled Rohan
"Mr. Abhimanyu were you even paying attention to what I was telling" sneered Rohan.
Now that he has used my full name I can imagine the seriousness of his conversation.
"Sorry, bro I was actually thinking -"
"Never mind bro", he turned away angrily.
Knowing him for so long I know how to melt his anger, "Well well I was thinking I could share my Bounty with someone called Rohan but maybe now I've to find someone to share it with."
I said it loud enough that he could clearly hear. He quickly turned in his seat and said, " No you are not sharing Bounty with anyone except me" emphasizing sharing. I mentally appreciated for my idea , "I'll share the chocolate with you only if you tell me what you were speaking about before", I demanded. He sighed and started, "Actually I was telling you that I met a girl yesterday at the park. She's pretty and the best part is she'll be joining our school."
"Oh! That's great. Finally someone found interest in girls."
Even before I could get a reaction from him, I heard a voice taking attention of everyone present in the class."Excuse me mam!" her voice so slow,yet demanding everyone's attention. The worst part is our Maths teacher doesn't like someone interrupting her class. Mam turned around with obvious irritation and said coldly, "If you have any doubts ask me during the last minutes of the class." But the girl oblivious of her situation replied boldly, "But mam, I think we can solve this problem in a much easier way." As soon as the words came out from her mouth, everyone was shocked. Mam was pissed off and said, "Oh! is it? Then come and show everyone how you do it." The girl got up from her place and walked towards the board picking up a chalk piece and statrted solving the problem. Just by looking few steps of her I understood the method she was going to use as it is the same method I use for solving the problems.
She wore a white shirt with "I DON'T CARE" printed on it with black jeggings and white sneakers. I must admit that she was looking pretty and was confident enough to stand against our Math teacher. She solved the problem in just six steps compared to the mam's sixteen steps solution shocking every student in the class. Everyone applauded for her, but mam still refused to use the method stating that this way could be applicable in some rare cases. Listening to this I got up said, " But mam the formula perfectly fits for these kind of problems. I've used the same way to solve many similar problems and every answer was correct." I walked upto her and gave her my notebook. After going through problems she realised that we were correct. I looked at her and said, "So mam....would you like to apologise to the class?"
"Apologise for what?", she said.
"For teaching us a difficult way even though there was an easy way or admit that you're not as smart as your students here."
"Abhimanyu, control your tongue or I will have to complain to principal", she warned.
I shrugged saying," You know the outcome too well." I walked back to my seat.
With this mam turned her attention towards the girl and asked her name , "Amyra", she answered.
Just then the bell rang and mam collected her things and left the class. Amyra walked upto her desk searching for something across the class. As soons as she found me, she smiled at me and took her seat. That's when seeing her smile and green eyes I've felt a sense of familiarity. I focussed my attention on my work even though all I wanted to do was to see her smile once again and stare into her green eyes.
Suddenly I felt something poking on my shoulder. I turned only to find Rohan's weird expression by raising his eyebrows as if questioning what's going on. Shrugging, I smiled at him and turned towards the door waiting for the next teacher. The rest of the day flew off so quickly, with only a few times finding Amyra staring me and suprisingly even I stared back.
That night I had an early dinner and went back to my room. After finising homework I tried to sleep but sleep was nowhere near to me. I was constantly disturbed by those green eyes not beacuse i felt attracted towards them, but because they felt so familiar to disturb my sleep.
Next day I woke up to my alarm buzzing, groaned looking at the time, quickly got up and freshened up. After having a quick breakfast I hurried to school as I was already late. School is just five minutes walk from my home. As soon as I entered the class, involuntarily my eyes searched for someone, when I finally saw those green eyes of Amyra, to my astonishment I found her staring back.
What surprised me was, Rohan was not sitting in our usual place, instead he was sitting behind Amyra and was so engrossed in speaking with some girl that he didn't even realise I took the seat next to him. I gently coughed to get his attention, when both of them snapped towards me. Rohan was shocked and the girl looked confused.
"Abhi when did you come?", asked Rohan,
"If you wouldn't have been too busy speaking with someone, you would have noticed me", I retorted. He looked away shyly and the girl blushed. "Oh sorry, Abhi this is Avni, Avni this is Abhi, my bestfriend I've told you about" he intoduced her to me. Avni extended her arm towards me to greet, "Hi I'm Avni. Rohan said so much about you." "Nothing offensive I hope", and I shook her hand. She smiled.
Right from that day, it has become a routine for me to search for those green eyes and to find them staring back at me. My day was never complete without staring into those green eyes and seeing her pearly smile, though we have not spoken a single word, those eyes conveyed me everything, her wishes, her concern, her happiness, her distress and everything. Maybe even my eyes conveyed her the same which is why she never stopped looking into them. A day without seeing her eyes would be dreadful for me. I would literally groan at the idea of holidays as in those days I would not be able to see her eyes.
Despite everything going on we have now reached the end of grade 12. As a final project our art teacher has asked us to paint a potrait. I worked very hard to finish my potrait and was utterly satisified with the outcome. My painting is a pair of green eyes - the eyes that haunted my dreams, brought many smiles on my face, which gave me lot of confidence, which reflected my blue eyes - it was her eyes, Amyra's eyes.
On the final day I have submitted my painting along with others. The teacher has announced that he will be rewarding the best painting with a chocolate. He went through all the paintings and finally picked two paintings. He turned them towards the class, looking at those paintings infront of me, my jaw dropped in awe. Infront of me was a painting of a pair of green eyes reflecting blue eyes in them and the other painting had a pair of blue eyes reflecting green eyes in them . Those were my eyes. Both of us looked at each other with confusion and shock all over our faces that eventually led to sense of knowing and boundless happiness. But then I realised that I have forgotten to write the name on my painting which explains the confusion on the teacher's face. He called out Amyra. She got up from her seat amidst a roar of applause and walked through the aisle towards Sir and received the chocolate. Before he could ask about the other student artist, the bell rang and immediately everyone left. I walked through the aisle towards Sir and picked up the painting on the desk to write my name on the potrait. Sir warned me not to repeat it once again. I nodded and went out for a break.
After coming from break, I found a half chocolate bar lying on my desk. No wonder that this day could get any better. I picked up the chocolate and started to eat it. The idea of sharing the chocolate is alone making me crazy. But then I've relaised that tomorrow is the last day of school. I've got selected to University of Yale for my undergraduation in Bussiness Studies. I still don't know where Amyra is going and I feel like I will not be able to see her and those green eyes for a long time.
Before parting our ways, I thought I could gift her something. So I spent the rest of the evening to find something suitable to gift her. Then I finally found the gift. I wrapped it with a BLUE gift wrapper. Next day I quickly got up and reached school before any. I went up to her table and placed the gift along with a poem.
I never believed
Heart could skip a beat
Until I saw you
I never believed
A smile can light up one's world
Until I saw you smile
I naver believed
Eyes are deeper than ocean
Until I saw your eyes
I never believed
I could converse with eyes
Until I have done that with you
I never believed
Person could mesmerise
Until you mesmerised me
I never believed
Leaving someone hurts
Until I am leaving you
I MISS YOU!
Soon class started to fill, then she came. By the look on her face she was quiet surprised seeing me coming before her. But i can still say that she was sad. Without breaking the eye contact she walked towards her table. At the sight of the table she was amused seeing the gift. She grabbed it and opened it carefully. Inside the box was a beautiful necklace with 'forever' embedded on the pendant, was waiting to reach her neck. She then saw the paper lying beside the gift and started reading the poem, by the end of reading she looked up at me with tears brimming up in her eyes. No sooner did she pick up the necklace and put it her acroass her neck, than the teacher arrived.
At the end of the day everyone were busy telling good-byes to each other. I was searching for Amyra but couldn't find her,. After few minutes, Avni showed up and gave me a painting informing me that Amyra had left. The paninting I'm holding in my hands is one of the beautiful paintings in my life I've ever seen. It carried a little boy and a little girl hugging each other in a beautiful park amidst the trees and a pond into which the sun was sinking. But towards both the ends of the painting are the same boy and girl parting away from each other in opposite directions. At the glimpse of the picture I've understoood what it meant. My eyes were filled with tears threatening to fall at any moment. Containg myself I ran back home and locked myself in my room.
For the first time I'm filled with and unknown emotion. With a heavy heart I laid on my bed crying for her. Afterawhile I realised no matter how much I thrive for her I cannot see her for a long time. Now I wanted to leave this city and all her memories. So I decided to go to Yale.
Even after a month of seeing her last, I couldn't forget her, I couldn't stop thinking about her. All these days moon never shone without reminding me of those bright eyes nor a day has begun without imagining her smile. At the University I've got selected to the soccer team on my first attempt which no other first year student has ever achieved. Even though I was among many new friends and also made it to the soccer team, I felt something hollow inside.
Tomorrow is my birthday and maybe this is the worst birthday ever. With my mind filled with her thoughts I slept that night, wondering when will be the next time I will see her. Next day I was woken up by Asher and Ryan my roommates who woke me up to wish me happy birthday. I took a quick bath and had my breakfast after having breakfast I was showered with calls from my parents and Rohan who wished me happy birthday according to them they were the first one to wish me because it was midnight to them. Rohan somehow made my mood easy and I was set to go to classes.
Today the first class was of English literature, I went to the class and walked through aisle to my usual desk. The sight of my desk made my jaw drop, on my desk was a small gift wrapped up in a green color wrapper , I took the box in my hands and unwrapped it only to find a chain and a pendant with “forever” embedded on it. At the sight of chain my heart dropped, I quickly searched whole class to find those green eyes to confirm whatever I have seen just now is true but not my mere hallucination. But at the same time Mr. Carter entered the class stopping me from my further search. When I had a closer look to the chain in the box there was a small piece of paper with something written on it, I picked it up to have a closer view it read
‘I am never going to hurt you anymore by leaving behind’
By looking at that my face broke into a smile which has returned to me after months. At the end of that class I have found her, Amyra and her beautiful eyes, I couldn’t express how happy I was , simply tears ran down my cheeks. And that day and that birthday was the best I have ever had and their was no doubt in it. I wanted to speak to her for hours together ,I wanted to spend all the time I had only with her but just looking into those eyes I have felt everything . once again life came back to me.
From that day till the end of my graduation at the university there was no single day I have been without seeing her, her eyes and her smile. She became everything to me. It was more than obvious that we loved each other that either of us couldn’t be without seeing each other, she was always present at every important day in my life, every football match I played she was siiting in stands cheering for me. She gave me confidence, she gave me a meaning to life and even if I stared her the whole day at the end of the day I longed to see her.
With studies and football with me and most importantly with Amyra being with me the four years of Graduation fled away easily. Amyra was Vale dictorian of the university too . After finisheing our graduation and enjoyed few days with my friends we flew back to India.
Back at home I have taken up my father’s business and started working on it while Amyra got a job as editor in Deccan Chronicle newspaper. We both quickly adjusted to our new work and Amyra even founded an NGO helping old people by giving them shelter and food and the name of organisation is ‘AA’ home for parents .
Despite our busy schedule we never forgot to meet each other at café every morning. But I didn’t want to just see her every morning sipping coffee at a café instead I want to see her sipping the same coffee at our home. Before its too late I want to propose her to marry me , marry me and be with me forever.
So I have perfectly planned to propose her. First I will be going to her house with a bunch of roses and then take her to a dinner with me and that’s when I will propose her. The plan though seemed simple would be perfect. Rohan was busy arranging a romantic dinner at one of the prominent restaurant while I was so nervous about the whole thing. I was nervous about speaking with her, I was nervous about asking her to marry me and most important thing I am nervous about her answer.
Keeping everything ready as per plan on the evening of Sunday I went to her home with a bunch of red roses. I parked the car in front her gate and was scared even to open the door of my car. I was sitting there for almost half an hour trying to gain courage but as soon as I remind her green eyes all my confidence is washed out. Finally deciding to speak my mind with her irrespective of her decision I gathered all my courage and picked up the roses but then….
My phone started ringing , I looked at the caller ID it was my dad . Reluctantly I answered the call
‘hello dad ?’
‘Abhi where are you?’
‘I am outside but why dad?’
‘wherever you are come to home immediately’ he ordered
‘But dad can’t I come in an hour I have an unfinished job to finish’ I requested him
‘NO ! come right away its really important you can finish your business later’ he yelled
Nothing more to do I cut the call and rang up Rohan to tell about cancellations of the plan, he seemed quite worried but I reassured him we will do that next time and made my way towards my home completely oblivious about the life changing decision my dad had in store for me.
As soon as I entered my house I found the atmosphere a bit different, the hall was decorated with flowers , dining table was filled with dishes , I wondering if there is any festival today I found my dad sitting on the sofa. I walked towards him, he saw me and gestured me to sit beside me and started speaking . what he revealed the next few minutes turned my world upside down.
He just casually said me that I missed my engagement my engagement how the hell will that happen. Right from the first day I have met Amyra I have dreamt about my life with her, but now all my dreams are shattered . when I asked him how could he do that without my knowledge he said he had given a word to the girl’s parents that I would be marrying her and their was no way to undo this decision.
Sitting there on that sofa my hopes, my dreams, my life has shaken and shattered. I never expected my life would end up like this and I would leave Amyra forever. But with no other option than to follow my dad’s decision I agreed to marry that girl whom I have never seen.
Startling roar of thunder snapped me back from the thoughts of her. Outside it was pouring, and inside my house everyone was busy arranging for my wedding tomorrow. Yes tomorrow I am marrying a girl whom I have never met. That also means that I am leaving Amyra for a girl who would show her face to me in few minutes from now all because of just one foolish promise given by my dad. From tomorrow my heart and my life will be someone else’s .someone else other than Amyra. Thinking about my new life which will be unveiled in few moments from now I felt weak and dreadful.
Should my early life seem
As well it might be a dream
I look up not afar
To my destiny in a star
There are eyes, I have been seeing,
Without which my soul held no peace
In parting from you now
My peace had fled away
Either night or day
Either vision or dark
Only thing I dream upon is your eyes
I am standing midst the roar
Of a weather beaten shore
As I hold within my hand
Some particles of sand
They crept through my fingers to the deep
Resembling my hope of seeing you
No one has seen my sorrow
Yet they tell me I am brave
But deep inside they cants see
My throbbing heart for you
Soft knock on my door tuned my attention towards it. I walked up to the door and opened it to fine Rohan. He quickly pulled me into the hug but still had the hopeless face I got to see from the moment I said him about my marriage with an unknown girl. After a tight hug he released me and said
“Abhi uncle has asked me to get you downstairs to meet her” he said with sadness all over his face
I nodded without uttering a word I followed him. Out there living room is buzzing with guests who have come to witness my marriage. Everyone are busy enjoying themselves . my dad noticed my presence and walked over to me “ I know my decision has surely hurt you because you had many plans, I am sorry Abhi “ stating this he opened the door of guest room.
As soon as the door unlocked I heard clinking of bangles and found a pair of green eyes looking at me with utter shock and boundless happiness.
All this time only a single world managed to come out of my mouth “AMYRA”