When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.
- Lao Tzu
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Love or hatred that was I never knew.
Rarest of the rarest she was that was true.
My love for her was always sparkling in my eyes, she said.
We are meant for each she always stated,
But who then knew my love story was yet to be started.
It’s too dark here, I even don’t know where I am but I know this face, her long hairs that nose pierced. But how is she here. I have known this face for long and she is the only one who knows my truth. I can hear her calling my name she is right in front of me and I am totally screwed up. She is yet staring at me, Should I catch hold of her or just leave. She is moving right towards me and what I can see is her dress is full of blood, all that I can see is scars on her whole face. And with a jerk Kavya woke me up. Am breathing so heavy that I literally thought for a while this was all real. There is no single night when I don’t see this nightmares but then all I do is just ignore all of this.
I have known kavya for almost 3 long years now, she is one of those persons I can’t imagine my life without. She never leaves a moment to surprise me with, be it my birthdays or our anniversaries. She works in an NGO for women welfare and myself as one of the demanded models of Mumbai. I had been dreaming of this for long and today finally I have reached my destiny and one of the reasons for my success is kavya, she has been always motivating and supporting for what I am today. Although she is always concerned about my nightmares but with time she even gets fine. But how long can you run from your past, it haunts you day and night. It will tear you up completely and I knew there is already something wrong, something my own cards are writing for me.
One fine day everything went upside down and I received a letter on my door. I thought it was one of those surprises that kavya had sent for me. When I opened it with a smile, i read “You Killed Me Mr. Rehan Banerjee”. Every expression on my face vanished I felt like this a dream and I am in a deep sleep. I wanted kavya near me, I wanted to tell her what those dreams that I get are and now this letter with those lines but all I could do was stay quiet and hide all of this from kavya. Somewhere I knew there was something horrible coming towards me but right now I wanted to just forget all of this. Following night I received a call from my mom regarding that my dad has met an accident and the next moment the doorbell rang. One more chit lying on outside of my door which read “Pay for your deeds”.
I rushed to my home town Kolkata and straight to the hospital, with god’s grace dad had minor injuries. I was still wondering who had done this for a while I thought it was someone who wanted money from me but somewhere it hinted me it was her but then how could it be her. Do the dead one comes back? They don't, they actually can't I knew it. Few days later I returned back to Mumbai to kavya. She was one of the kind person and beautiful soul for me. We both loved each other a lot and together we had spent that day well followed with a candle light dinner. The next morning I again woke up with the nightmares of her saying me to admit my deeds or else I’ll have to pay for everything. I woke up with a jerk and was sweating as usual, kavya calmed me down and told me to just relax. She always insisted me to consult a doctor for these panic reactions but I always gave up as I knew if kavya would know the real thing she would just walk off from my life.
Few days later I saw a girl near my apartment with a blue dress high heels, hairs tied in a bun and the next moment what I saw was, she was Anisha. For a moment everything came to an end for me, I rubbed my eyes she was still smiling back at me. I rushed out went down what I could see there was a few kids playing there. I thought I had been hallucinating and let it go. I forgot what had just happened with me and went up to my room. As usual I got ready for the shoot, on my way her face hit me again I was distracted and frustrated and just wanted to disappear somewhere far from all of this. I wanted to have a break wanted to spend some time with kavya but she was busy with her work. The whole shoot had went bad due my idiotic behavior I only imagined her in front of me as I saw her in morning. I returned back home tired and lame but kavya planned dinner date and made up my mood and guided me to be well prepared for the other shoots. She always knew how to make up my day.
Same day around 2 am I received a message, this is just a start rehan you are soon going to be living on the streets. I got startled off seeing this horrifying message, dialed the number but it was switched off. I tried to get whose number is it but all the details I found were fake. The other day I had a very important meeting lined up for the upcoming shoot which was to be held in dubai for the next month. But all of a sudden my assistant came running to me and informed that kavya mam had fell from the roof of his floor and has got multiple injuries. He rushed living everything what he could see was she had her leg and hand fractured but was safe. later when kavya had been a bit stable to talk I asked her how did this all happen, she said she had went to put the clothes in the balcony and felt there was someone behind her before she could realize this I was down of the wing lying there. I was stunned to hear this but I knew who was behind all this but at the back of my mind the same question, how can a dead person be alive?
Kavya was a bit distracted and annoyed at me since few days and the reason was my constant mood swings and the distraction at work. At the hospital she suddenly asked me Rehan are u hiding something from me, is there anything you want to tell me. I wanted to tell her the whole damn thing but I was scared that she would leave me but instead said her there is nothing that I could ever hide from you. Next day I launched a complaint against all this but there was nothing suspicious that the police could find. The following day when I was just relaxing on my chair in the balcony my eyes got an attention on something, I saw her down of my wing waving at me. I immediately rushed down again to catch her red handed and know what all of this happening was. As soon I reached down, she went inside the car and drove past by me. I got my bike and started following her back but could not trace her. With no hopes I returned back to my room there was another chit on my doorstep the chit read “if u pursue me or try to find me you are ultimately inviting your death rehan”.
Everything that I had I was losing it, kavya started questioning me about my nightmares about my career my shoots. I was not in a state to answer her questions right now but I knew at some point I have tell her the truth or she may come to know it today or later anyhow. I started to skip my lunch and sometimes dinner. I started becoming pale day by day. The fame that I had earned these years was all gone just because of her. I wanted to stand again wanted to get all of these back but every day was different for me.
Sometimes I saw anisha near my wing, sometimes near my office and sometimes even when I used to be with kavya. She was everywhere with me, ordering me to accept my sins. I was losing myself and at some point even kavya. I knew kavya she won’t leave me, may whatever be the situation but I even knew something between us was already shaken.
Now I had almost started taking pills to get some sleep for me, started avoiding people, started drinking and wondering if she anisha was real or what is all this happening is also a nightmare. My madness had crossed limits and I had lost all my near contacts, my contracts, my fame, money and everything.
one fine night I was so drunk that I almost started screaming and yelling who are u why don't you reveal it's you Anisha you are alive or is it someone I know from my past who is doing all this to me. Am sorry for what I have done to you am sorry that I killed you that day am sorry I didn't love you, it was all fake just because you were the ladder to my dreams to get fame to be the most demanded model. I didn't intent to kill you that day near the shore but you had already knew the whole truth that It was all a game and you would screw all the fame I had achieved by then. I had no choice but to let u sink in sea shore that night I knew you didn't knew to swim I knew you would die I knew this was wrong but I wanted to be rich, to be known, fame was all that I wanted and am sorry for what I had done to you but please let me live for God's sake. Leave me alone anisha I said again and I dozed off to sleep.
With a bad headache I switched on my TV and what I next saw was dreadful. Every channel played the video of Rehan’s confession about killing Anisha and the reporter who was all telecasting this was Kavya Shrama, the love of his life. He felt as if was dreaming he is still asleep but soon realized it was all true. He immediately ran to the news channel called for kavya. Before rehan could ask her anything kavya said him finally the day had come when Anisha will get justice.
I was all shocked for what was happening around me. I questioned kavya how could you do this, how do you know her and firstly you work in an Ngo right then how come a reporter. Kavya with a smile on her face told me, 2 years back I had been to daman for an Ngo program I found a girl there she was on a wheel chair numb didn't speak neither moved only was alive. When I tried to find who she was. I came to know her name was anisha. I asked people where are her relatives all I came to know was her dad was no more he got an heart attack when the day he knew she went missing as it was informed by you to all. You were with her but never tried to know about to her friends her family nothing at all. So let me tell you she had a twin sister named Mitisha. She never gave up looking up for her she knew there was a boy in Anisha’s life and even knew you cheated her. She knew about you because anisha found that you are a fraud she left a voice message to mitisha that her life is in danger. When you said anisha went missing she knew it's you because apart from you there was no one so close to anisha.
She kept hunting for her sister and she finally found her in Daman alive but still dead because she was paralyzed. When I met Mitisha in daman NGO she told me whole story about the guy anisha loved when I asked her the name of the boy she said Rehan Banerjee I didn't knew what to speak should I cry or rush towards you to question what is all this. But instead I thought how you can keep me happy when you cheated anisha.
I planned everything to trap you with Mitisha, it was mitisha whom you saw every time and you thought it was anisha. We wanted you to go so confused and frustrated that you confess everything by your own there. I was never a reporter I had joined few months back just to know the world what happens if you forget your good instincts. I had loved you for all but making you commit your sins was all necessary. Anisha is alive but still dead and this thing will make u die forever till your last breathe.
It’s been almost 6 months by now .Today as I sit and imagine all of this again behind these bars, I understand what true love is. Fame is not something that u snatch or get it by any means. It is a fruit that you deserve for what you reap.