One cannot be humble and aware of oneself at the same time.
- Madeleine L'Engle, A Circle of Quiet
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"Good Morning Everyone! If you are feeling Depressed or Stress , share your feelings with your colleagues or else you can call on our toll free number -8000 546 531"
Everyone ignored the announcement and again started their work.
"Should I call them Bhargavi ?" Meera asked (The young girl somewhere in between 24 or 25 , Wavy hair , The dark sparkling eyes but with loss vision)
"Are you mad? Stress is normal. Everybody is having stress by one or other way, but it doesn't mean it is disease and you don't have to go to counsellor. In fact, if you are not stressed out then people will think you are not productive enough for this organization."
She started her work but within every five minutes her eyes were on the sticky notes where she had noted the toll free number.
In the afternoon the entire office was in canteen to have lunch except- Meera. Because she wanted to live alone.
In evening after return back from office her eyes meet with an unexpected envelope which was climbing on her letter box. The letter from court - to take the possession on her maternal grandparents home as she is the only person left behind to take care of her grandparents property where she had visited more than a decade ago.
After the loss of her parents in an accident the loneliness has bring her to the point where she is scaring to look out of window to watch the stars instead she made the habit to read her stars of karma to see what exactly next day going to bring in her life. The horoscope loaded with the message - "Going to bring the past in your present which will kill your present."
The message has surely increase Meera's stress level like the Mercury in thermometer. She looked at Envelope and went to bed. Slowly she falls in sleep after so long time. It was dark outside the window and stars were blinking in sky.
In morning instead of packing her office bag she started packing her luggage bag to visit her grandparents inherited Wada in Konkan. The house which will be her new home for who-knew-how-long.
"May be this is the last meeting I will have with that Wada." she murmured staring at the Envelope.
She started her journey - More the train was moving forwarded- towards Konkan her thoughts were going backward in her past.
Finally she went to the Konkan and meet the lawyer who handed the papers to her.
Ma'am I just want to know if you are interested to sell this property I will find out the best buyers for you.
"No. whatever is left, I want to keep it. It has sentimental value." Meera replied.
She went to the house which seems completely different than a decade ago she has grown up and the house had aged. Garden - which was still the same - surrounded by Mango ,Jackfruit and Coconut trees where she used to play with her childhood friends. The colourful house now turn into the dark dust colour. The windows were broken as if someone had tried to go inside the house.
The care-taker help her to open the house and keep her luggage inside
"Thank god you came here Madam; otherwise people used to stole the stuff from here. I clean the house every other week but still it is full of dust because no one is living here after your grandparents death." Kusum said with her most appealing smile.
"What's your name?" Meera asked softly .
"Kusum." The caretaker replied.
All right. I will manage for myself. Have you bring the Household things?" Meera stated.
"Yes, Madam. I kept it in kitchen. I will prepare tea for you if you want..." Kusum said by quite hesitating.
After that there were silence in the room for quite some time.
"I will be back at night madam now I need to go to serve my children." Kusum said.
"No. You can leave for a now." Meera said without even looking at her as she has completely stop making the eye contact with anyone
Meera has decide to stay for a night and end the life here in the house from where life had begun.
After few minutes she heard the voice from behind.
"Are you the new owner of this house?" The lady in a sky blue Kurti, long wavy hair and the glittering eyes with clear vision - somewhere in between her 40-45.
Meera turn back and looked at her but didn't reply.
"Hi! Are you the new owner of this house?" The lady asked again.
"Umm...Yes. May I know who are you?" Meera asked nervously.
"What's your good name?" Lady asked.
"I don't even recognize me anymore." Meera murmured with herself.
"May I know your name?" Lady asked again.
"Meera." Meera replied.
I'm staying in nearby house. Actually I heard from Kusum - the house care taker, that from now this house is belongs to you. So just wanted to see you and wanted to inform you that, if you need any help you can come to my home.
"Bye. Take care." she said with smile.
"Bye." Meera said with half smile on a face as her mind was completely engage with the planning to end the life.
She open the old rooms cupboard which was full of black and white albums of her childhood with her parents and grandparents.(It seems all those cupboards were locked for years.).
She went to the kitchen and saw the old knife which was still sharp as if it meant to be there.
"Why to wait for a night if I can end this right now?" she thought for a while.
She hold the knife to cut her wrist but someone from behind has hold her hand and pull the knife by other hand.
"What is this? Are you mad? Have you lost your senses?" The lady from behind shouted on Meera now her glittering eyes were turned into angry eyes.
"It's none of you business. This is my life. Who are you to decide what should I do and what not?" Meera shouted back while trying to pull the knife from the lady but failed to catch the knife.
After a minute of fight both of them make the eye contact as if the lady has actually hypnotised Meera.
"Can you please explain why you want to end your life?" The lady asked softly.
"It's hard to explain." Meera said while staring at floor to avoid the eye contact.
"I want to be alone. The greatest fear I have is to reach at the point from where I started. It's scary. It's really -really scary. I don't want to live my life at the same point of time I can't even die. I feel lonely. I don't like myself. I want to live life anonymously. I have deactivated my social network accounts. I don't have any support system. I don't find any purpose of life. I'm feeling empty within. Earlier I was feeling all colours of life be it happiness, excitement, joy, sadness but now there is only one colour left that is - Darkness. Even my stars are saying I'm going t die so soon " Meera stated without pausing for a minute.
"It's a bit complicated but we need to figure it out. I don't know whether you will die according to your stars or not but your stars are dying for sure. Take the U-TURN to make the life simple. People dies only stories remain at the end. Life will throw good and bad days also shades in between them." The lady stated.
"No. Look my Karma bring me back in my past I'm here in this village from where I started my journey. This place is not even present on Map. Now I'm completely detached with world. They say that one of the reason for tragedy is that- you learn important lessons from it. Appreciating your normal life, for one thing; but sometimes lessons take the crooked path. Earlier I used to wonder how I would feel if I were suddenly plucked from my normal (Regular) life? I suppose it's like the desire for a true mirror to reflect all of your parts, both visible and unseen. I think now the accident of my parents was a way of that happening. Because I did get plucked from my normal life. And I would say I did see it. I would say that I saw and I saw and I saw it. How do you move on after losing the person you loved? How do you build a life worth living. I have no idea where I am. I want to go back to the time when I started to lose my parents. But why me? " Meera said with broken heart.
“Meera, Do you know -your karma bring you back to this place. You are assuming that you are back in this village and now you are in your past which is not so true. There is much more than that in it. This place will help you to move forward in your Future. This house is kind, meant to leave in, this place is symbol of love and hope. How could you forget your childhood? Don't think that there is no one to love. You need to change your vision. You are burning into your own thought because of that negativity is killing you from inside.
You are living in dark dream and I do understand - sometimes dream seems more real than reality, but how long can a dream survive? We all lose what we love at some point, but karma reminds us that even if it's not always happy, there is an ever after. You are going to feel uncomfortable in your new world for a bit. Live boldly. Push yourself. Just live well and love.” The lady explained.
“Years of working at the computer had rounded my shoulders, years of looking down into a laptop or phone had slackened my jaw line and compressed my neck. Increase my stomach size. The stress of a demanding job and big-city life had hardened my features. I spent my years now from the time I lost my parents in an accident looking at ground and not having the eye contact with people. I had not even choose to throw anyone a smile or simple hello. Single for years, my loneliness has increased. But after heartbreak and loneliness, the stress of my 'dream life' was ruining my physical and mental health.” Meera stated.
“Good people did bad things. Bad people did good things. You had to take it on a case-to-case basis. May be this is the reminder clock for your life. This place may change your life and the shape of your heart. All of this improves not only our quality of life but also the quantity of years we have. You need to wake up now. Trust your instinct and stay wild. You need to open yourself at the point where you close yourself. Do you know- even I lost my parents in an accident at early days of my life. One of the great writer Shirley Jackson once said, "The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain. Life is beautiful go and enjoy it. I hope tonight you will remerge yourself. I can trust you. I'm leaving for now but will be back tomorrow." The lady replied.
The lady has actually emerge Meera from within.
“I think you are right. It's a reminder to slow down, look around, taste, listen, and to open ourselves to new people and places.
"Say bye to the container- all of those endless boxes encourage hoarding. Don't stack - because it's unfair to the things at the bottom. Face them now." The lady explained.
"I know I want to get somewhere, but I don't know if that somewhere even exists yet. Few things are simple but not easy." Meera Murmured.
"Meera, You need to know yourself. Don't think that you are in your past. Check your thoughts. It's just one thought away. How do we change? The only answer is - By changing thoughts. Thoughts leads to hobbits. They shape our existence, and our future. Don't forget to breathe even when it hurts. I read things that made me get soft again, that made me stare out of window at night. That's what helping me in my writing process. " The lady stated.
" What? Do you also write?" Meera asked surprisingly.
"Yes, but do you also means what? You do write?" The lady asked.
"Yes. I used to write; but not now." Meera replied.
"Why not you investing your time for writing? You can pen down your emotions which will help others come out of their emotional pain." The lady explained.
"Hmm. By the way can you show me your writing sample?" Meera replied.
"Yes sure tomorrow I will show you my writing. But you need to promise me that you will start writing sooner." The lady replied.
Meera placed her hands in that stranger's hand and promised to begin writing. After her parents death and her heart break that was the first time she made a promise with her whole heart to someone and that to someone whom she knew from hardly last 10 minutes.
"Bye. I need to leave now. Hope you are emerge now."
"Meera hug her tightly and said. Thank you"
Mean while Kusum return back and The lady went out in hurry.
"Madam, Sorry but who is she?" She came along with you?" Kusum asked curiously.
"No. She stay in our neighbour house. Don't you know?" Meera replied.
"Madam I stay here for last six years but I never saw her before. By the way what are you doing with this knife? Give it to me I will prepare your dinner." Kusum said while taking the knife from Meera's hand.
That night Meera didn't slept; Not because she was depressed but she was eagerly waiting for a very next morning.(Probably the strangest thing she ever did in last couple of years).She was remembering all the talk with that stranger lady who didn't even feel stranger for Meera. She started remembering her talk before sleep with her parents and grandparents in that house in childhood. That made her cry.
Now it was around six-thirty in the morning and she open the door of her room.
In morning she got the Diary at her door-after reading the entire diary Meera understood- The diary was having her own life story till date.
"But how does she knew all of this?" Meera murmured with herself.
She closed the diary and on the back cover something was written-
This is my writing. I was You and You are Me. I'm your shadow of Karma- Nishakam Karma.
Meera was looking out the window and her mind was trying to digest her yesterday".
Now, I understood what my stars wanted to say, "My past will kill my present to create my future." I finally got it how to fight for repair. That happy soul will always be there in you. It just that you need to emerge yourself. Until that moment, I hadn't really know how much I needed someone to blurred out my emotions and the one who motivated me at the same point of time inspired me." Meera stated confidently.